#londonstandstall and so should I…or me vs. anxiety the wash down.

NOTE: I actually wrote this on Wednesday 22nd of March 2017, in the evening after the attack at Westminster Bridge and The Parliament. 


London Olympic Park and off I went for a swim.

Its been a sad, weird and day stressful day for Londoners.

A large scale incident that might put in risk the life of those I love is one of my biggest fears.  Big enough to make stop daddy D and lill guy from coming to the Royal Parks Half Marathon last year, even though all I wanted was to see their faces and hug then at the finishing line.

That is a fear I had to work hard to overcome during cbt earlier this year and I can only say thank goodness my anxiety had been under control for a while now.

Seeing what happened today, so close to home, brought up so many emotions.

I was lucky to be at work, where I am too busy to browse one news channel after the other.

I managed to keep calm and don’t go into that dark place in my head where everything is a catastrophe but deep inside,  I could feel the anxiety trying to creep up on me. My heart rate was weird and my mind overpopulated.

It was an exhausting day and it felt like I used ALLLL my energy just to keep calm but I am happy and proud I made it through.

I had invasive food thoughts and didn’t binge, I had fast heart beat and my brain was in over drive but there was no panic attack.

Getting through a day like that and still be able to cope felt like a victory, something to show me the therapist was definitely right when she discharged me from treatment and wrote to me to say I was in full recovery.

To close the day a half ass 600m in the pool and off home for some sleep, much needed sleep.