Radical self love

So it seems as though I have turned a page some point over the past few weeks.

Between moments of pure joy for just being me and an open love letter to my body, I feel great.

As for  many people struggling – or who have struggled – with mental health issues, such high achievement can leave you worried about the come down.  

As a life long worryer I can’t help those thoughts popping up every now and then but I know they are just fear (and a little pragmatism), so just feelings.  Nothing concrete, nothing real and tangible.  

It is ok to feel things, fear is what keeps us alive.  What I am no longer willing to do is to live my life based on those feelings. 

I am not my feelings but how I react to them.

So I am now in a mission to keep the good vibe going and to learn to truly love my body again, bit by bit.

Today I caught myself watching my lips, it was just a little flirt but it reminded me of how darm sexy they can be.

So here it is, this week I will watch my lips and fall in love with then again.

Hello sexy! 




Dear body,

Sorry for all the awful things I have said and done to you in the past.

I was such a bitch and you DID NOT deserve that.

I’d like you to know that you are beautiful and strong. I love that you a healthy and capable of so much, I mean, you have made and given birth to the most precious boy on earth!

I promise I’ll be really good to you from now on, like you deserve.

You are fabulous and I LOVE YOU

Warm regards,


No selfie filter,  thank you 

Have you ever got upset over a selfie that doesn’t look quite like you were hoping for? It showed those dark circles around the eyes? Did you forget to put make up on and thought,  how did I even leave the house like that?

Every minute of the day we get bombarded with fake images that have been edited and manipulated to “improve the end result”.  So far that was a “luxury” reserved to magazine and tv models but what if I told you said tools are available to your finger tips?

For a while now I’ve had a nagging feeling about the “selfie filter” on my smart phone.  It’s almost as though retouching is now mandatory.  What is so offensive about people’s real image after all? Are people really so used to the fake stuff that they can no longer handle seeing my face in a photo if it hasn’t been modified?

BB cream and lippy on the left, filters 1, 2 and 3 to the right.

I know I’m no model but I’d like to think that even if I was repulsive – which I am fully aware it is not case – still I should be allowed to go about my day without feeling the pressure to “beautify myself ” before I can show my face in public.

There is a very fine line between putting your make up on to feel prettier and not being able to love yourself otherwise.

Am I the only one who finds absurd weird that in times when groups of consumers are waking up for the effect that retouched magazines has over teenagers (and fully grown women) all over the world,  such a filter is so accessible to everyone who owns a phone?

Now a teenager not only has to compete against that unrealistic body from tv but he/she also has to compete against their own retouched images.

Whats is it with the world that different industries seems to think we can no longer handle reality?

During the screening of Embrace – earlier this month – I watched the story of this amazing photographer who loaded her body until she took pictures of herself,  unique details and all.

In that spirit,  when shooting a few poses to show off my new hairdo, I too have decided to go real. My skin is blemish and I have dark circles under me  eyes as parents don’t sleep much. My face is round as I am a recovering eating disorder patient…


No make up as I haven’t got the patience or the skills for that and no filter as they don’t show those little details that make me who I am.



Me vs Anxiety 

I can’t really explain why but since I started to swim, last month,  I have really struggled with anxiety in the pool.

I swim since I can remember, my brothers taught me by dropping me in a Olympic pool and watch me diving from one edge to another – coming up for air every now and again.

Brazil is such a hot place so wimming pools are everywhere and i was like a little whitebait every time i found myself in one.

I have always been a confident swimmer and – although i wasn’t very fast – I even made it to the swimming team at school. 

Fast forward to so many years later, I still love the water but every time I tried a lap of front crawl this anxiety comes up and even though I’m half way through the pool, all I can think about is I might fail the second half.

Today I was determined to complete at least 50m of it without a break. It’s hard to control panic when you are already under water and have to remain calm to control you breathing.

Now, I know that  if it comes to it, I can swim all 400m of the super spring triathlon on breast stroke. And I am cool with that.

What isn’t cool is feeling anxious and panic-y when you know there’s no reason to. Also , in a few months I shall be swimming 400m in opened water and that’s a whole other mixed bag of feelings on its own.

So today, I took it to the pool. One length at a time.

500m,  3 attempts on front crawl and only one wasn’t fully successful.

Through the swim I gave myself a pep talk and used some of cbt techniques I’ve learned on the past few months. Before I knew it I was celebrating my first 50m front crawl since my school years.

Yes, I still have a long way to go but my glass just went from half empty to half full baby!

funny stuff my child says and does

7pm on a Sunday evening, I just got in from work to find Daddy D finishing tidy up the kitchen and lill guy eating his dinner in the front room. After eating he moved on to putting his toys away before bedtime.

Daddy D and I look at each other thinking, we must be doing something right!

I said – well done darling, you are a real good boy.

lill guys comes out, full of emotion in his voice and says

“thank you guys, I couldn’t have done it without you”


Tri Mummy

After the fab experience running my first ever half marathon last year, I was then told by my Chiropractor that  I shouldn’t run because of my bad back and the foot injury that I developed during training. It’s not as if I didn’t know that but hearing it from a professional you respect and trust, kinda makes things official.

Apart form dancing, running really was the only sport I have thoroughly enjoyed to this day. I felt free running in the park, very different from the stress I used to feel whenever I went to the gym. Weird, because in the park I was 100% in public but my mind was always focus and I knew most runner have been at that same situation one day. I was upset to know I couldn’t run and tried cycling instead, it wasn’t too bad if I had company but taking the bike out on my own just wasn’t my thing.

First week of January and I came across an ad for Livetotri and once I found out what they were all about I was completely hooked.

***cut to weeks of non stop google searches on “Triathlon for Beginners”…as well as looking up images from Triathlons to try to find out if other overweight – people like me – have also taken part or if I would feel completely humiliated by the 0% fat bodies getting passed me at the speed of light ***

(PS: I’ll be sharing my findings here but if, like me, you just can’t wait, look up Triathlon Taren and watch it away, he is funny and very clever!)

Yes! so I can’t be a runner, it’s not good for my back and legs if I go out for a 10k run on a regular basis, but swimming and cycling are great for my health and that’s what I would be doing for most of my training!

A couple of months later and I am now a regular swimmer (granted I am looking for some private sessions with an instructor to improve my technique) and plan to start proper Triathlon training in April.

Oh to be crazy again!




Sorry..image nicked from http://challengemenace.blogspot.co.uk

Funny stuff my bilingual child does

We were walking home from the cinema after watching Lego Batman.

Lill guy – Mummy, when we get home can I play Lego Batman?

Me (in Portuguese) – No darling, it’s getting late. When we get home we’ll have dinner and then it’s bedtime.

Lill guy (in English) – Daddy, mummy said we can play Lego Batman when we get home.

Daddy D looks at me, I look at Daddy D and our eyes said – WHAT DA FAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

ps: Daddy D doesn’t speak Portuguese but he does understand a lot of it, specially if I’m talking to lill guy about every day stuff.