#londonstandstall and so should I…or me vs. anxiety the wash down.

NOTE: I actually wrote this on Wednesday 22nd of March 2017, in the evening after the attack at Westminster Bridge and The Parliament. 

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London Olympic Park and off I went for a swim.

Its been a sad, weird and day stressful day for Londoners.

A large scale incident that might put in risk the life of those I love is one of my biggest fears.  Big enough to make stop daddy D and lill guy from coming to the Royal Parks Half Marathon last year, even though all I wanted was to see their faces and hug then at the finishing line.

That is a fear I had to work hard to overcome during cbt earlier this year and I can only say thank goodness my anxiety had been under control for a while now.

Seeing what happened today, so close to home, brought up so many emotions.

I was lucky to be at work, where I am too busy to browse one news channel after the other.

I managed to keep calm and don’t go into that dark place in my head where everything is a catastrophe but deep inside,  I could feel the anxiety trying to creep up on me. My heart rate was weird and my mind overpopulated.

It was an exhausting day and it felt like I used ALLLL my energy just to keep calm but I am happy and proud I made it through.

I had invasive food thoughts and didn’t binge, I had fast heart beat and my brain was in over drive but there was no panic attack.

Getting through a day like that and still be able to cope felt like a victory, something to show me the therapist was definitely right when she discharged me from treatment and wrote to me to say I was in full recovery.

To close the day a half ass 600m in the pool and off home for some sleep, much needed sleep.

 

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Redemption

redemption

Dear body,

Sorry for all the awful things I have said and done to you in the past.

I was such a bitch and you DID NOT deserve that.

I’d like you to know that you are beautiful and strong. I love that you a healthy and capable of so much, I mean, you have made and given birth to the most precious boy on earth!

I promise I’ll be really good to you from now on, like you deserve.

You are fabulous and I LOVE YOU

Warm regards,

Aida (HOT ASS MAMA)

Slowly but surely

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I’ve been feeling really low these last two days. Yesterday the plan was to do half an hour of high intensity dance followed by a full yoga session.Usually, nothing cheers me up more than a good dancing session but after 15 minutes or so i just had to drop it. I wasn’t feeling it at all. My body was heavy and mood just wouldn’t improve.

That was followed by a quick stretching session and 10 minutes of HeadSpace (even that didn’t really go to plan).

For the rest of the day i just felt blue and now there’s this overwhelming feeling that – despite my best efforts – SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is hanging around just waiting to kick in.

Today the plan was to go for another power walk and I stuck with it but my pace just wasn’t there. I’m doing my best not to be too harsh on myself and focus on the fact that I made it to the park no matter what.

With the Royal Parks Half 11 days away, it’s hard not to focus on performance but I’m sticking with it.Hopefully is the time of the month or something of the sort and I just have to make through it.

In 11 days I shall be celebrating 3 months binge free and will do it so in style, finishing my first ever half marathon, I’m hoping that helps me keeping the mood in check and hopefully, my place on CBT will come up soon.