going down

Today was a tough one, I found myself feeling low and weak and very inclined towards the binge eating mode.

After months feeling great and so full of energy, for the most of this past week I just felt that wherever I went, I was dragging myself. Being exhausted and under the weather – all that put together with an awfully grey day in London – my mood today just sank the deepest its been in a while.

It’s weird how your brain can so easily find the route back to its old ways. Even more weird is how long it can take you for you to recognize that path you are going down.

Everything feels ever so slightly familiar but you fool yourself to believing you are just fitting in.

I haven’t had such strong invasive food thoughts in a long time. For the first time in months, today, I had to stop myself from researching a diet, a healthy eating plan or supplement guide to help me through whatever is going on.

My brain, very quickly, went back into self-loading. In my head I felt fat and needed that fixed. In my head I was ashamed of being unfit.

All that while locked up in an office packed full of previously forbidden foods.

I really had to dig deep and, yes, there was some over eating but I am hitting reset to day one for a while and I will leave behind all of the negatives and focus on the ONE positive I AM STILL BINGE FREE.





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