Me vs Anxiety 

I can’t really explain why but since I started to swim, last month,  I have really struggled with anxiety in the pool.

I swim since I can remember, my brothers taught me by dropping me in a Olympic pool and watch me diving from one edge to another – coming up for air every now and again.

Brazil is such a hot place so wimming pools are everywhere and i was like a little whitebait every time i found myself in one.

I have always been a confident swimmer and – although i wasn’t very fast – I even made it to the swimming team at school. 

Fast forward to so many years later, I still love the water but every time I tried a lap of front crawl this anxiety comes up and even though I’m half way through the pool, all I can think about is I might fail the second half.

Today I was determined to complete at least 50m of it without a break. It’s hard to control panic when you are already under water and have to remain calm to control you breathing.

Now, I know that  if it comes to it, I can swim all 400m of the super spring triathlon on breast stroke. And I am cool with that.

What isn’t cool is feeling anxious and panic-y when you know there’s no reason to. Also , in a few months I shall be swimming 400m in opened water and that’s a whole other mixed bag of feelings on its own.

So today, I took it to the pool. One length at a time.

500m,  3 attempts on front crawl and only one wasn’t fully successful.

Through the swim I gave myself a pep talk and used some of cbt techniques I’ve learned on the past few months. Before I knew it I was celebrating my first 50m front crawl since my school years.

Yes, I still have a long way to go but my glass just went from half empty to half full baby!

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